Parental Burn out

We’ve all heard of Professional Burn Out. But have you ever heard of parental/family burn out? Maybe it is still taboo, but yes, despite all the love that parents can bring to their child, a parent can experience parental burnout. Let’s take a closer look at this subject and without taboos this time!

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1. WHAT IS PARENTAL BURNOUT ?

First of all, let’s start with a number :

5 % of parents suffer from parental burnout (at least according to the numbers, let’s not forget that the numbers are quite often below the actual figure).

Parental burnout is a relatively new phenomenon that describes the extreme exhaustion and stress that parents can experience when caring for their children. This can manifest itself as chronic fatigue, irritability, anxiety and depression, and can have serious consequences for the mental and physical health of parents, as well as for family dynamics.

Beware of common misconceptions !

  • Contrary to what one might think, parental burnout does not only occur with very young children, far from it. There are not only parents with young children. Burn out can occur with a child of any age.
  • No, there are not more women who suffer from it, but there are the same number of men and women who suffer from parental burnout.

2. WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF THIS FORM OF BURN OUT ?

Among the symptoms that can be found in a family burn out, there are: : 

– Moral, emotional and physical exhausion due to parenting. Exhaustion that cannot be relieved by rest alone.

– A diminished fulfillment of one’s role as a parent. The impression of being a bad parent. . 

– A progressive distancing from the children. The parent will act as one by being on automatic pilot. There is therefore less affection.  

3. THE PHASES PRECEDING THE BURN OUT

The idealized family :

Perfection. Because of society, pressure or the fear of others’ judgment, parents will want to make sure that everything is perfect. Forgetting or putting aside the fact that perfection does not exist.

Over-investment :

This phase goes hand in hand with the idealization phase. Indeed, the parent will overinvest in the relationship, in the education of his child in order to get as close as possible to his ideal. This over-investment brings the parent to a feeling of being indispensable, which can be pleasant, but which comes to intensify all the more the vicious circle which has just started. Indeed, if we are indispensable, we cannot delegate tasks, everything depends on us…

It is not uncommon for the second parent to notice the over-investment of his or her spouse. Despite all their efforts, many times the parent starting to show burn out, leaves little room for the second parent, despite all their efforts.

Self-sacrifice :

The parent will identify only as a father or as a mother. The parent increasingly begins to forget themselves, to sacrifice themselves and to no longer be attentive to their needs.

Frustration :

Any parent can experience frustration. However, if this frustration lasts over time, it contributes to the development of burnout.

This frustration comes from different sources. The parent begins to feel as though he or she is not succeeding in achieving his or her ideal, the lack of recognition from a spouse or the awareness of all that the person is giving up for his or her investment in his or her children.

Loss of energy :

The parent begins to become exhausted, lacking energy. This parent will begin to experience a “slump”. This slackening can make the parent more irritable, less patient, develop depressive symptoms… In spite of all this, if the parent continues on the path he/she has taken until now, he/she will fall on the side of burn out. These phases will not be experienced in the same way by people who have developed parental burnout. The phases will not necessarily occur in this order or will not all be present. Some parents will have a particular phase that is much more developed than others… But their descriptions can be indicators of alter in the development of a parental burnout.

4. DIFFERENCE FROM POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

  • Postpartum depression occurs after childbirth and comes from a difficult transition to parenthood. Postpartum depression occurs within 12 months of birth.
  • Parental burnout can occur either quickly after the birth or when the children are older. They are not related to a difficult transition, but rather to exhaustion related to the role of parent

5. WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF BURN OUT ?

The consequences of burn out can be found with different actors : 

The affected parent :

In parental burn out, we find symptoms and consequences similar to burn out or depression. Thus, the suffering parent will have much more difficulty managing his anger, irritability, he may develop addictions, sleep disorders, or even suicidal risks.  

The spouse :

The spouse must compensate for the disinvestment of the parent suffering from parental burnout. Thus, the spouse may find himself or herself with such a heavy parental load that the spouse may also become exhausted. The parental burnout of at least one of the two parents can lead to marital conflicts.

The child or children :

Parental burnout will also have an impact on the child or children. Indeed, the latter may suffer from physical or verbal abuse or neglect. 

6. WHAT ARE THE SOLUTIONS FOR PARENTAL BURNOUT ?

There are solutions to get out of a parental burnout. Often in the context of professional burn out, one of the solutions may be to leave the company. But what to do in case of parental burnout? So no, we are not going to suggest that you leave your children. Other less radical solutions exist.

Talk to your spouse

You may have already discussed it with your spouse, or perhaps not at all. However, this step is important and is one of the first to be done. Indeed, how can a person help if he/she is not fully aware of what the other person is feeling and experiencing? But to do this, it is still necessary to talk about it. Your spouse will be able to accompany you and support you emotionally, but he or she is also the co-parent who can help you rebalance the tasks. 

Give up being the perfect parent

As seen above, this is one of the biggest triggers of parental burnout: perfection. Above all, it’s important to learn to let go. 

“ Pick your battles. ”

You can’t be on all fronts at once. The quest for perfection is a goal that can’t be achieved but can get to you. The internet, social media, book publishing… these can be very convenient but can also maintain the illusion of perfection. Detach yourself from that a bit, take what works for you and let go of what doesn’t work for you or increases your anxiety. Do you choose positive parenting? That doesn’t mean you have to follow the letter of what is said. Do what you can, as you can, with the means you have.   

Take time for yourself

It seems impossible when you are looking for the perfect. Once you learn to let go, you will reclaim time for your family but also for yourself. It is essential to have time for yourself. To do this, choose activities that you enjoy such as reading a book, playing sports… Even a few minutes a day will help you recharge your batteries. 

Get some rest

It seems logical, but sleep is the engine of our days and is important for maintaining our mental and physical health. If children are sleeping through the night, it can help to go to bed and get up at the same time. If your children are not sleeping through the night yet and it is taking a long time, there are professionals who can help you and guide you in getting your children to sleep.

Plan a routine

In order to have time for yourself, the rest of the day must be organized. To do this, create an efficient routine that will allow you to keep time for YOU (for you and not for the house!).  

Regaining a life as a couple

Very often, with parental burnout, one notices a decrease in the couple’s life. Ask for help from family or friends to look after the children once in a while.

Enjoy the evening with your partner !

You can go to the movies, to a restaurant, to a bowling alley… 

Ask for outside help – Talk to a professional

Unhappiness is a vicious circle that tends to plunge us even further into our unhappiness. This is why it is important to talk to a professional. This professional can help you understand and find solutions.

This professional will be able to help you get out of this vicious circle. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can help you learn techniques to manage stress, anxiety… and to work on the dysfunctional thoughts that inhabit the parent with a parental burn out.

The therapist helps the parent to understand the vicious circle that favors the burn out and what maintains it. From there, concrete solutions can be thought out and brought in order to reduce the exhaustion and regain a sense of well-being.

Do you need further information or have any specific questions ?

FAQ

Virtual reality (VR) is an innovative technology that enables patients to be exposed to immersive and controlled environments, facilitating the management of numerous psychological and psychiatric disorders. Its use in mental health offers several advantages:
  • Gradual and Controlled Exposure: VR allows patients to confront anxiety-inducing situations in a secure environment, gradually adjusting the intensity of stimuli to promote habituation and emotional regulation.
  • Realistic and Reproducible Environments: Unlike traditional techniques, VR provides immersive scenarios that can be consistently reproduced, ensuring a coherent and effective approach.
  • Increased Patient Engagement: The interactive and immersive nature of VR enhances treatment adherence and motivates patients to continue their therapy.
  • Personalized Treatment: Virtual environments can be adapted to meet the specific needs of each patient.
  • Versatile Applications: VR is used to treat anxiety disorders (phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorders), addictions, mood disorders, and even cognitive remediation.
The use of virtual reality in healthcare is not new! It has been studied and utilized for over 30 years in the medical and psychological fields. As early as the 1990s, researchers began exploring its potential for treating anxiety disorders, particularly phobias and post-traumatic stress disorder. Since then, numerous scientific studies have confirmed its effectiveness in addressing various psychiatric, neurological, and cognitive disorders.
Today, VR is widely integrated into therapeutic and medical practices, with clinically validated protocols. It is used in hospitals, clinics, and psychologists' offices worldwide to provide patients with innovative, effective, and safe treatments.
To use virtual reality, one must immerse themselves in a virtual environment. There are several ways to achieve this.
In the past, the CAVE system (Cave Automatic Virtual Environment), a 3D setup consisting of multiple screen walls, was the primary method used. This system allowed users to be fully immersed in the virtual world, with their movements detected in real-time. However, this technology was expensive and not widely accessible.
Since around 2016, with the introduction of virtual reality headsets like the Oculus Rift and HTC Vive, VR has become much more accessible. These headsets immerse users in virtual reality through an enclosed screen that projects digital images. The user's head movements are tracked, enabling them to look around and interact with the environment as they would in the real world.
Today, VR headsets are wireless and standalone, providing maximum comfort and ease of use without requiring external sensors or cables.
A virtual environment is an immersive digital simulation created through virtual reality. It allows users to navigate in a 3D space that accurately replicates everyday situations or specific contexts.
In mental health, these environments are designed to help individuals gradually face certain situations, manage their emotions, or enhance cognitive skills. By interacting with these virtual spaces, patients can engage in meaningful experiences tailored to their needs.
You need to equip yourself with a virtual reality headset. Our software is compatible with Meta Quest 2, 3, and 3S. 
You will then only need an internet connection. 
Numerous studies confirm that virtual reality is safe to use. However, some restrictions are in place to protect users from potential adverse effects.
For instance, individuals with epilepsy and pregnant women should avoid this type of therapy.
As with any immersive technology, prolonged use may cause visual fatigue or mild discomfort, particularly for those sensitive to motion sickness. Therefore, it is recommended to take regular breaks and adjust session durations according to individual needs.
Virtual environments are designed to be gradual and controlled, minimizing the risk of excessive anxiety. Most users quickly adapt to immersion and experience the benefits of this innovative approach from the first sessions.
Anxiety disorders and phobias can be effectively treated using virtual reality. Patients are gradually and progressively exposed to anxiety-inducing situations in various environments while remaining in a safe space. This process helps develop a sense of habituation, ultimately reducing or even eliminating anxiety over time.
Behavioral and substance addictions can also be addressed through virtual reality. By incorporating synthetic stimuli into the environments that trigger craving responses, patients struggling with addiction can work on their cravings to diminish the urge to consume.
Additionally, multiple environments—such as bars, casinos, and social settings—enable cognitive work on dysfunctional beliefs associated with specific temptation scenarios.
Regarding eating disorders, virtual reality software helps target key etiological factors, such as body dysmorphia, allocentric lock (a tendency to focus on others rather than oneself), and food cravings.
Currently, our TERV (Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy) solutions include multiple software programs designed to address critical psychiatric, psychological, and neuropsychological determinants such as relaxation, cognitive stimulation, behavioral activation, and social skills training.
Reminiscence therapy is also a major therapeutic tool in treating depression. By allowing patients to relive sensations linked to past pleasurable activities (such as sports, driving, or traveling), virtual reality stimulates hypoactive brain areas, enhancing therapeutic success. VR serves as an excellent mediator for reigniting engagement in enjoyable activities.
Moreover, cognitive stimulation for elderly individuals is another area where virtual reality proves beneficial. By leveraging technology to make stimulation activities more engaging and accessible, patients and nursing home residents can improve executive functions and memory through specially designed applications.
Today, virtual reality in mental health care is advancing rapidly. Researchers, clinicians, and developers continue to explore new therapeutic targets to offer innovative and effective treatment solutions in the near future.
VR can be used by all healthcare professionals assisting patients with anxiety, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorders, addictions, or other psychological challenges.
It is particularly beneficial for psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists, specialized nurses, as well as psychomotor therapists, physiotherapists, dietitians, sophrologists, and hypnotherapists. With a wide range of immersive environments, VR enhances therapeutic approaches and provides innovative tools to improve patient care.
Healthcare providers incorporating virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET) expand their range of treatment options. VRET is a well-established therapeutic technique with scientific validation from cognitive-behavioral therapy research.
  • Professional Differentiation: Integrating VR into practice allows therapists to stand out from traditional treatment options.
  • Scientific Validation: VRET is backed by extensive research, reinforcing its credibility as an effective treatment method.
  • Improved Patient Engagement: The interactive nature of VR fosters greater patient involvement in therapy.
  • Time-Saving: VR provides direct access to various exposure environments without needing external logistics.

One of the considerable advantages of virtual reality is that it is effective on a wide spectrum of populations. Existing data from the literature on the subject shows us that it is entirely possible to expose a wide age group to virtual reality, with real therapeutic benefits.

The studies attest, in fact, to excellent feasibility and significant results; particularly in adults, in the treatment of anxiety disorders (including school phobia), autism, addictions, eating disorders, neuropsychological disorders, psychotic disorders and mood disorders.

The results are identical for adolescents with a significant added value concerning therapeutic engagement where virtual reality promotes adolescents' interest in their therapy.

Among elderly subjects, study results encourage the use of virtual reality with the aim of working on cognitive stimulation, on behavioral disorders but also on anxiety.

One of the major advantages of virtual reality is its effectiveness across a broad spectrum of the population. Existing literature on the subject shows that virtual reality can be used with individuals of various age groups, providing significant therapeutic benefits.
Studies confirm excellent feasibility and significant results, particularly among adults in the treatment of anxiety disorders (including school phobia), autism, addictions, eating disorders, neuropsychological disorders, psychotic disorders, and mood disorders.
The results are equally promising for adolescents, with a notable advantage in terms of therapeutic engagement, as virtual reality enhances their interest and participation in treatment.
For older adults, research supports the use of virtual reality to improve cognitive stimulation, behavioral disorders, and anxiety management.
However, people with epilepsy and pregnant individuals are not advised to undergo this type of therapy.
Yes, all our environments are grouped within a single application.
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