Gaslighting: definition, examples and how to respond

Gaslighting is a technique of mental manipulation and abuse that consists of distorting information and situations and casting doubt on what the victim says, in order to reverse the roles of abuser and victim and pave the way for further abuse.

The name of this practice comes from the play Gas Light, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is imagining changes in their gas lighting (gas light) at night, when he is in fact responsible for them, in an attempt to hide what he is really doing.

This practice is rooted in the repetition of a relational pattern; it is not an isolated incident.

The dynamic is highly asymmetric: on one side, a partner who constantly listens to the other and gives more credit to the other's words than to their own perceptions, and on the other, a partner who constantly denies the other's perception, downplaying their emotional experience and their abilities.

From a gaslighting interaction, one partner comes out bolstered and victorious, while the other comes out diminished.

The word comes from the British play Gas Light, first staged in 1938, and then from George Cukor's 1944 film Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. In it, a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going mad[1].

The term appeared with its current meaning in the United States in the 1950s[1]. Psychiatry took an interest in it for decades, notably with a 1981 article on its clinical consequences[11]. It then spread to other fields[4]: sociology describes it as a phenomenon rooted in social inequalities, including gender inequalities[5]. In 2022, the American dictionary Merriam-Webster named it its word of the year[2].

Gaslighting can take several forms, but a number of common behaviors tend to recur:

• exaggerating the complexity of a situation to confuse the other person (“It's more complicated than that, you wouldn't understand.”)
• oversimplifying a more complex situation so that the victim feels weak and powerless (“If you're not happy, just leave, I'm not stopping you, the door is open.”)
• pretending not to understand the victim (“I don't understand what you're saying, it's nonsense.”, “I don't understand what I did wrong”)
• questioning the victim's memories, often vehemently, even when they are accurate (“I never said that, you're mistaken/you're lying.”)
• making the victim believe that their needs and emotions are trivial, or too overwhelming for them to cope on their own. (“You're exaggerating”, “You're too sensitive”, “You're too fragile”)
• pretending to forget how things happened, or denying that they really happened, or happened that way.
• using insults and verbal abuse, most often disguised as humor.
• shifting the problem onto the victim rather than the aggressor (“I'm sorry you feel that way [following an action by the abuser]”, “The problem is you, not other people.”)

In short, the abuser will downplay the importance of the victim's emotional experience, make them doubt their own perceptions, shut down the conversation when the victim tries to be heard, and place all responsibility on the victim.

Gaslighting is a manipulation technique that takes hold over time, gradually wearing down the victim's mental defenses and becoming more effective as time goes on.

This practice is rarely found on its own and often serves to facilitate other forms of abuse and to maintain a dominant/dominated relationship.

The most commonly described tactics

A review of 96 publications on gender-based violence groups them into a few broad categories[3]:

• Distorting reality: making the person doubt the facts, rewriting what happened.
• Causing emotional harm: belittling, dismissing the person's reactions, sometimes alternating excessive affection with devaluation.
• Exerting power and control: taking advantage of a power imbalance, isolating the person from loved ones and sources of support.

Signs to look for in yourself

These signs are not a diagnosis, but they deserve to be taken seriously if they come up often:

• you constantly doubt your memories or what you understood;
• you apologize all the time, without knowing what for;
• you feel like you are going crazy;
• you check, write down or record things to make sure you are not making anything up;
• you avoid talking about it with your loved ones, for fear of not being believed.

The word has become so common that it can be wrongly applied to any conflict. Yet everyone is wrong sometimes, and two people can remember the same moment differently.

In a study of 252 participants, still at the preprint stage, memory disagreements with a partner were common, and only about a quarter of people saw them as gaslighting. This perception went hand in hand with lower satisfaction and trust, and a feeling of having less power in the relationship[6].

To tell the difference, ask yourself these questions:

• Is it repeated? Gaslighting takes hold over time; it is not an isolated argument.
• Is there a power imbalance? One person imposes their version and the other ends up giving in.
• What effect does it have on you? The 2026 review stresses this point: it is the self-doubt that sets in that distinguishes gaslighting from a simple disagreement or a hurtful remark[3].
• Is dialogue still possible? An ordinary disagreement leaves room for discussion, and each person can admit to having been wrong.

Is gaslighting always conscious?

No, not necessarily, and the question is still debated. Some authors believe it can happen without the person being fully aware of it, while others prefer not to judge intent and to focus on the behaviors and their effects[3]. In any case, the absence of intent does not make these effects any less real.

A large share of research focuses on gender-based violence, particularly within couples[3]. However, gaslighting can also occur in other relationships marked by a power imbalance.

In couples

It often goes hand in hand with other forms of violence. Sociologist Paige Sweet's work on domestic violence shows how the perpetrator can draw on stereotypes, such as the idea that a woman is irrational, and on vulnerabilities linked to the victim's situation[5].

Among adolescents

In a survey of 374 adolescents who had been in a romantic relationship, one in four said they had experienced it in the past year. It is associated with greater anxiety and more depressive symptoms, even after accounting for other forms of dating violence[7].

At work

A manager may deny giving instructions, blame someone for mistakes, or belittle a person in front of others. Questionnaires specifically designed to measure workplace gaslighting are now being tested[9]. In a study of 291 Greek employees, higher scores went hand in hand with more anxiety, depression and disengagement[8]. This study does not allow a cause-and-effect relationship to be established.

In healthcare

Medical gaslighting refers to health concerns being repeatedly dismissed or invalidated, to the point where the person doubts whether they are legitimate. The authors distinguish it from simple poor communication or an unmet expectation[12]. For healthcare professionals, this is a useful reminder: taking what the patient reports seriously is part of the care relationship.

After repeatedly having their words and perception called into question, the victim of gaslighting ends up doubting themselves, their memories and their actions. This may also come with the feeling of going crazy.

The victim of gaslighting gradually loses self-confidence, because what they say is constantly questioned and the expression of their personal experience is denied.

They dare less and less to express what they feel or how they see things, because the abuser's reactions can be extreme or violent, most often on a psychological level.

After repeatedly seeing the abuse denied or normalized by the abuser (and sometimes by those around them), the victim ends up believing the situation is normal, which leads them not to seek help when it would be needed.

In most cases, over the long term, the victim's defense mechanisms have been switched off by the accumulation of abuse. Learned helplessness prevents the victim from fighting back or escaping, convinced that it is pointless, that they will not succeed, or that things will get worse if they try to get out.

In some cases, rarer today, gaslighting could even lead to the victim being committed to a psychiatric institution.

What the studies say

The 2026 review notes effects on perception and memory, emotional distress and social isolation, but also resistance strategies among the people affected[3]. Quantitative studies are still recent. Mostly cross-sectional, they show a link with anxiety and depression, without proving on their own that gaslighting is the cause[7][8].

Your safety comes first. If you fear the other person's reaction, do not confront them alone: first talk to someone you trust, a professional or a support organization.

Coming back to the facts

Write down what happened, with dates and the words used. You do not have to prove anything to the other person: these notes are first and foremost a way to remind yourself of what you went through. Keep them in a safe place, as a phone or accounts may be monitored[10].

Breaking the isolation

Talk about it with someone outside the relationship. A perspective that does not depend on the other person helps you regain your bearings, and isolation is part of the mechanism[3].

Setting a boundary

If the situation allows, respond briefly and without trying to convince. Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein suggests several responses of this kind[1]:

• when faced with a remark about your sensitivity: say that you have the right to feel what you feel;
• when faced with denial: point out that you remember what was said, while leaving room for discussion;
• when someone claims that everyone agrees with them: come back to what you yourself feel;
• when you are told you are overthinking: repeat that the subject matters to you.

If nothing changes, it may be necessary to take some distance, or even to end the relationship[1].

At work

Keep written records. You can also ask to see the occupational physician and report the situation to management in writing[1].

Finding help

• Emergency: in the US, call 911[11]. In the UK, call 999[12]; on a mobile, if you cannot speak, call 999 first and then press 55 to be transferred to the police. The emergencySMS service lets you contact 999[17] by text, but you must register first by sending REGISTER to 999.
• Domestic violence:
  • US: the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233[15], is free, confidential and open 24 hours a day. You can also text START to 88788, use the chat, or visit the Spanish-language website.
  • England: the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247[16], is free, confidential and open 24 hours a day. A chat and an online form are also available.
  • Scotland: the Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline, 0800 027 1234[18], also offers a chat.
  • Wales: Live Fear Free, 0808 80 10 100[19], is open 24 hours a day, with a chat and text option.
  • Northern Ireland: the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, 0808 802 1414[20], also offers a chat.
• Suicidal thoughts:
  • US: the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 988[21], is free, confidential and open 24 hours a day. Text and chat are available, including in Spanish.
  • UK: Samaritans, 116 123[22], is free and open 24 hours a day.
• Psychological support: a doctor or a psychologist can help you regain confidence in your own judgment.

If you are in another country, contact your local services.

You need to be especially careful when supporting a victim of gaslighting, because their perception of reality is extremely fragile. Even when the abuser is not present, the victim will question their experiences, their emotions, what they have lived through. Care must be taken not to reinforce the gaslighting by accident.

You can start by asking the victim to describe the facts as they remember them, placing the emphasis on their account and their experience, regardless of what others may have said afterwards. If the victim expresses how they feel, it is important to validate it and normalize it.

The next step is to work on the balance between the trust they place in their own word and the trust they place in the word of others. For example, you can draw on events where the aggressor was absent, and see whether the victim also doubts their experience at those times.

It is important to remember that human memory is fallible, especially in moments of stress. It is normal not to remember every detail perfectly. However, the overall sense of how events felt is far less distorted. Working with a victim of gaslighting can take a very long time. It involves deconstructing a distorted view of reality in order to regain confidence in one's own experience. It is important that the victim no longer be in contact with the abuser, who may redouble their efforts upon sensing the victim slipping away.

In any case, if you suspect that someone is a victim of violence and abuse, the priority is to step in and get the person to safety, before starting any therapeutic process.

In an emergency, call 911[11] in the US or 999[12] in the UK.

Gaslighting involves repeatedly making a person doubt their memory and perception, within a power imbalance. It differs from a simple disagreement in that it persists over time and creates self-doubt. Writing down the facts, breaking the isolation and getting help are good first steps. You are not responsible for the other person's actions. If you are supporting a victim, taking their account seriously and validating their feelings is already a form of help.